Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
