life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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