Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
