what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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