Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
