Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
