alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
