2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
