he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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