Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
