I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
