shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
