If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You have to summon your inner elephant
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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