Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
