we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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