dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We're too hungover to prance.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
