does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
