All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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