so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
