Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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