Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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