I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
