So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Randomize
