I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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