my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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