This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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