is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
