Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
grandma shit on top of the toilet
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
