I hate your face
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
