OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
