I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
