I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
