Quick, to the slutcave!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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