he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
