Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
