3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
