We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
