people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
