Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
