He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
