I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
