Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
