I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
