Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
