We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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