hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
