none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
