and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
