Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
