Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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