I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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