Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
