ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
