i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
