you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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